2026 will be remembered not as the year robots arrived but as the year humans, overwhelmed by accuracy, asked a chicken femur what it felt.

Automation surged forward with polite confidence. Robots folded laundry. Flying taxis lifted off in Dubai like Jetsons reruns with better zoning laws. And quietly, respectfully, the Farmer’s Almanac, first published in 1792, powered by moon phases, vibes, and agricultural stubbornness, announced its final edition. After centuries of being right often enough, it was undone by spreadsheets.

The vacuum was immediate.

CNN, long dependent on panels of people shouting over probability maps, began “experimenting” with folk divination segments. Chicken bones were rolled on glass tables while analysts nodded solemnly. “The tibia suggests volatility,” one said. Nobody laughed. Ratings improved.

MSNBC, not to be outdone, has reportedly commissioned a Modern Oracle of Delphi, housed in a glass atrium and fueled by curated ambiguity. Viewers submit questions. The Oracle responds with smoke, poetry, and a strong warning about Q3.

NPR, predictably, went deeper. They are currently profiling Patches, a psychedelic oracle who has “wandered Rainbow Gatherings since the late ’90s” and claims he can taste sound. According to Patches, “The rain is in E minor this year.” This was followed by a 12-minute ambient interlude and listener donations surged.

Native tribes, watching all of this with understandable restraint, have floated a large-scale Modern Rain Dance, headlined by DJ Witchdoctor, featuring ceremonial drums, sub-bass, and one extremely respectful laser show. Early forecasts suggest it may work better than satellites.

Most Americans, however, remain loyal to Punxsutawney Phil, a groundhog with no credentials, no transparency, and an undefeated PR team.

In Wisconsin, one local paper has announced it will simply trust Ron. Not much is known about Ron. Ron does not have a website. Ron has “a feeling.” More on Ron soon.

Ironically, the one area facing the greatest resistance in the age of automation is AI weather prediction.

“We don’t need no AI in weather,” says Sara from Lancaster, staring directly into a sky that has been wrong three days in a row. “My knee already told me it’s gonna rain. And honestly? Her knee has history.

The future can calculate everything.

But when the storm comes, we still ask the bones.

By Adam Watson

From a production standpoint, this was probably the most productive year of my life.I built a handful of apps and moved to the edge of launching two major projects: Aktion Film AI and The Voodoo Soul. Music was the clear champion this year. What stands out most, though, was an early decision that changed everything: keeping an open mind.

I was fully prepared to complain about the flood of AI music platforms popping up everywhere. Instead, I decided to try them. That choice led me to write more music than I ever have in a single year. I grew as a producer, experimented wildly, and without forcing it started putting out what I believe is my strongest work so far.

On the film side, I wrote and completed four scripts, plus countless short clips. Each project got a little sharper, a little more confident. Momentum has a way of teaching you while you’re moving.

I also leaned into monetization for the first time: selling digital downloads, putting together a few courses on Etsy, launching a newsletter… and sleeping very little. Somewhere in the middle of all that, I leveled up my trading learning options, futures, and forex.

What I’m most grateful for isn’t the output it’s the growth. I kept learning. I kept adapting. That’s what matters now.

’m aware of the risks around AI, but I don’t see doom or Skynet. I see a shift. I choose to work with AI in a collaborative way. People call it a tool I respectfully disagree. I think 2026 may be the year more people start reaching that conclusion.

We live in uncertain times. Manipulation is everywhere, and everyone is selling a narrative. Still, I feel optimistic. The real work is cultivating a positive mindset, finding purpose, and aligning with it.

I’m excited about 2026. I expect measurable success.

Stay positive.

Treat all things with respect.

Stay curious.

— Adam Watson

Could Forest Gump prevent a war?

By Adam Watson

Unless you’ve been living under a rock and if you are, kudos, you’re probably a very good architect, you may have heard about the latest geopolitical solution gaining traction online: Forest Gump 2. According to a growing number of very serious people, Forest Gump 2 is being floated as a potential framework for resolving the China,Taiwan, U.S. standoff.

Yes. That Forest Gump.

When pressed for clarification on the so-called “Gump 4 Trump” movement, advocates pointed to a pivotal scene in the beloved 1994 classic in which the affable idiot savant defeats China in a… ping-pong match. We asked whether they were aware this was: A movie, Fictional, Written by humans for entertainment

“It doesn’t matter,” said Jillian from Dayton, Ohio. “The concept works.” Across strip-mall parking lots in America, supporters have reportedly begun holding signs reading “Gump 4 Trump.” When we suggested the slightly more logical “Gump 2 Trump,” we were told:

To test the political literacy of this fringe group, we conducted a follow-up poll:

Do you think the United States should bomb Agrabah?

— 75% answered yes.

Agrabah, for those unfamiliar, is the fictional city from Aladdin. When informed of this, respondents remained confident.

At press time, negotiations had stalled, ping-pong paddles were reportedly being sourced, and someone was attempting to add Disney canon to NATO strategy.

Reporting from Nowhere, America.

For most kids of the ’80s and ’90s, “You sunk my battleship” is a phrase associated with plastic pegs, folding boards, and learning too late that your friend was absolutely cheating.

Apparently, the President shares a fondness for the game as well. Sources close to the situation say the current geopolitical tension is mostly the result of a Battleship game gone wrong. According to those sources, the incident occurred after the President defeated the leader of Venezuela by sinking every single battleship without taking a hit.

Witnesses report a long pause. Then, in Spanish, the Venezuelan president allegedly uttered the word for “cheater.” This was a mistake.

The President, of course, would never cheat at anything. Nonetheless, the name-calling appears to have escalated quickly. Insiders say what began as a board game disagreement has now resulted in most of the U.S. Navy being repositioned like a very expensive grid of A–J and 1–10.

Officials deny the fleet is being used as part of a live-action remake of Battleship, though several admirals were reportedly overheard asking what “A14” means and whether it’s “even legal.” When asked if this was an appropriate way to conduct foreign policy, one aide replied:

At press time, negotiations had stalled, plastic pegs were being sourced in bulk, and someone in the Pentagon was quietly Googling, “Can you actually win Battleship without cheating?”

Reporting from Somewhere Between Childhood and Global Strategy.

BORING, OR — 10:05 a.m.

In a modest living room somewhere between a Dutch Bros and existential resignation, a man we’ll call Tanner says he’s discovered something big. Nickelback is coming back. Tanner claims he’s been charting EMAs of “resurgence music,” a discipline he insists he invented. According to him, it predicts cultural comebacks with 100% accuracy.

When asked how he developed the system, Tanner explained that he worked with ChatGPT 3.5 over the course of two years.

Interesting. So why Nickelback?

When asked to see the metrics, Tanner produced a still image of Neo dodging bullets in The Matrix. Apparently, we need to pay more for qualified leads. We clarified whether he was referring to the self-produced documentary Nickelback made about themselves.

At press time, Tanner was adjusting trendlines while humming How You Remind Me under his breath. Is he a scholar? An idiot? Or a prophet standing just slightly too close to the spreadsheet?

Only time will tell.