Firefighters are sneaking in from neighboring countries to fight our fires. These are our fires, dammit! Who the hell asked you for help? Oh, the local community? Well, they have no right over this plot of earth. This land is owned by the United States Government, and we’d rather see it burn to ash than have a foreigner risk their life.

Rest assured, fellow patriots: the real heroes at the U.S. Border Patrol stepped in and arrested two firefighters on August 26th who were deployed to fight the largest blaze in the state this summer. Bearing their brave chests and shiny badges, they swooped in at 9:30 in the morning to detain these “animals.”

Our agents watched until these two men were alone in the woods, trimming back fallen brush and dead branches, before they denied them water and explicitly told them, “There is no f*ing way you’re going to get to say goodbye to your families.” Can you believe the nerve of that request?!

Thankfully, these authorities ignored the federal policy stating that, without “exigent circumstances,” agents cannot conduct their operations at natural disaster or emergency sites. Then again, that policy was put in place by Sleepy Joe Biden, so—f**k it. We do what we want to assert dominance here in the USA, and if you don’t like it, we’ll ship you off to Africa or wherever the hell you didn’t come from.