Trump's $400 million White House ballroom is drifting toward taxpayer funding, faster than its own price tag is climbing, and that price tag has doubled from the original $200M. Reuters reported Republicans are pushing legislation to fund it; other coverage says the donor funded plan is morphing into a $1 billion "security infrastructure" line item, which is absurdly on brand for "private project, public bill." Lionel Suga, a self-made mayne from Oakland, weighed in: "You know they from the hood. This is mystery rich people building a luxury annex at the White House." He's right.

Looking further, witnesses reported a visibly angry Trump being very clear on where the waterslide should go overheard while he was giving Biden a mustache with a sharpie.

Meanwhile, Elon Musk and Sam Altman are still in the late stages of something between an ego deathmatch and a cosmic divorce. The trial entered its second week in Oakland, where Musk took the stand to call himself "a fool who provided them free funding" referring to the $38 million he gave OpenAI back when it was still a nonprofit, before it became the $852 billion company it is today. Musk wants Altman and Brockman removed and the for profit conversion unwound. We're all left wondering how the visitation rights will land, and whether Grok could be a bad influence on ChatGPT.

Finally, Anthropic and OpenAI, apparently coordinating their announcements down to the hour, both launched competing consultant ventures this week. Anthropic with a $1.5B joint venture (Blackstone, Goldman, etc.); OpenAI with a $4B "Development Company" of its own. Both will deploy forward deployed engineers, actual humans, in person, to help companies use the AI that was promised to make things easier. Without human help. Things are moving faster than an F1 race.

On a serious note: if you're an action fan or a tech fan, check out Aktion Film AI. Readers who reply to this newsletter and are on our list get guaranteed early beta access.

— The Voodoo Soul

It was supposed to be a day of celebration: a big, sweaty tribute to action heroes from the 80s — still impossibly inflated and, somehow, dark orange in the middle of May. Most of them leaned hard into the classic no-shirt, army-pants look, like it was still 1987 and the calendar was just a suggestion.

But even in a room full of legends, it didn't take long for egos to find each other. We're told Stallone was genuinely upset when Arnold dissed his red headband, and what started as a jab quickly turned into a running argument. Commando vs. Rambo nearly erupted like dynamite multiple times — people kept circling back to it like it was the only thing that mattered. Mr. T — interviewed on the scene by our correspondent Michael Jenkins, assistant manager at a Hardee's, reporting from Biloxi, Alabama — apparently still is pitying the fool, which, if nothing else, helped keep the energy properly on-brand.

Our other ground correspondent, Garrison Hawkins — competitive shuffleboard adjudicator, reporting from Kissimmee, Florida — confirmed that the second most-debated topic of the night was whether Die Hard is a Christmas movie. Which of course it is.

Then Michael Bay made his entrance, because of course he did: fired out of a Harrier that exploded immediately afterward. Actually, it exploded right after and then again — an over-the-top double-explosion entrance. Classic Michael Bay. And while it was ridiculous, it also had an effect: it set the stage for the 90s crew to start taking over the room. That's where the party really got interesting.

Steven Seagal was roaming around making those weird chopping moves, talking impossibly low, and yes — he still had the hair tied back. Harrison Ford was no help at all; he just grumbled about the 70s and 80s, and when it came to the 90s, he seemed to forget they happened.

Still, the organizers managed to pull everyone's attention together when they announced the arrival of Aktion Film AI: a new-gen AI site focused specifically on action scenes. Along with the announcement came a clear hook for anyone in the room who wanted to prove something: they're running a "best action hero" short contest, and it goes until the first of July. For once, amid all the posturing, it actually sounded pretty cool.

The night took another entertaining turn when Van Damme showed up. Even then, someone apparently had to remind him — out loud — that karate isn't really that cool. And speaking of Karate Kid, Ralph Macchio was turned away at the door because, as someone put it, no one really cares — though even the skeptics admitted Cobra Kai was actually pretty cool.

Meanwhile, over by the stuffed jalapeños, Al Pacino made a scene in the most Al Pacino way possible: playing multiple roles that were having a conversation with themselves, like the argument was staged entirely inside his own head and he'd simply brought the audience along. De Niro popped in long enough to land a classic "You looking at me?" and then, as if that was all that was required, let the moment hang.

We did manage to steal a few words with the always-entertaining Nicolas Cage. His insight: the 90s was really just one good John Malkovich monologue. The only bad guy that really mattered.

Insightful.

Then the food fight.

The earlier altercation over Stallone's red bandanna had not, in fact, stayed buried. It came roaring back, and this time it didn't stop at words. The whole thing escalated into a full-on food fight — messy, chaotic, and somehow balletic — like it was being directed by John Woo. For a while it looked like the party might just implode under the weight of its own nostalgia and testosterone.

That's when Chuck Norris arrived, delivered by helicopter. In seconds, the chaos stopped, as he incapacitated all the "you punks" with Walker, Texas Ranger kicks, and the room collectively decided it was time to act normal again.

One thing's for sure: Michael Keaton is still the Batman.

Stay Authentic. Stay Sharp.

By The Voodoo Soul · Edited by Aldous Vermeer-Knox

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