It finally happened. Elon Musk, the man who wants to colonize Mars, sell flamethrowers as stocking stuffers, and call traffic tunnels “The Boring Company,” has picked a fight with his toughest rival yet: Earth’s weather. After SpaceX’s tenth Starship was grounded in Texas for the second time in a row because of bad conditions, Musk reportedly floated the idea of suing… the sky. Which raises a few questions. Who gets subpoenaed—the clouds? Does lightning need legal representation? Will Judge Judy preside over Mother Nature v. Musk

Here in the Northwest, we can’t help but laugh. Portland has been suing the weather in our heads for years. Every time a river floods a bike lane or wildfire smoke turns August into Armageddon Bingo, we imagine slapping a restraining order on the atmosphere. “Stay 500 feet away from my lungs.” But Musk is serious. This is the man who renamed Twitter “X,” so suing the elements is practically on brand. The irony is thick: the guy selling rocket rides to Mars can’t get his mega-ship past a drizzle. Portlanders get that. Try explaining to your boss that the MAX was late because of a “leaf storm.”If the lawsuit goes forward, I propose a class action. Not against the weather—against billionaires who think they can litigate climate instead of fixing it. Because while Musk fumes about his grounded rocket, the rest of us are choking on wildfire smoke, wiping ash off our cars, and wondering if we can get hazard pay just for existing.